Life is like a playground swing, 
Sometimes high, sometimes low

Enjoy and be thankful to God when you are at high
But don't get discourage when you are at low, 

The happiness is always come right after the sadness passed :)

Wonder why I suddenly talk about the playground swing? Haha! It just some thoughts I had since last Saturday. 

I went to Khoo's at TBR to meet him, and we saw a playground on the way back to dorm. At first, me and Esther went to the swing together happily. All the childhood's sweet memories just suddenly came to our mind. And we started wonder why we both came to KL, this big city. 

I couldn't remember what we actually talked. But I remember both of usasked

"I wonder why I never studied hard enough for my SPM, and so I came to college, and my parent need to pay for my school fees and living cost."

"I wonder why I would trust him and got myself so much of wounds and hurts, I wonder why people around me always throw me crap and make me feel like crap, I wonder why I came to TARC"

Would you ever had the same thought?

We human are actually very interesting. We might have different skin tone, different dialect, different accent, different background, etc
But when something bad happens in our life, most of us will probably have a same reaction. We would have the intention to blame either God, ourselves or others. 

"Why is God make the world so unfair?", "because im stupid/ bad luck/ my fault", "because of my classmate/ friends/ collegue/parent la......."

Believe or not, none of the above is right, or I would say not a good attitude to have in life.


Come to this point, I need to say sorry to God, my loving Father in heaven. I'm currently going through a tough time in my life or what people would say "depression". But don't worry, Im already working on it, Im holiding on to His promise in Psalm 30:5, and I think Im doing pretty well now :)

There are some answers I got from the Lord last night during quiet time. 

Why God put all those people in my life and they do nothing good for me but just crap. 
Ans: If I never met those kind of people, I would never know how to cope with people with bad attitude. I think I will be just another materialistic, selfish, arrogant but pathetic college girl. At the end of the day, I thank God for putting those people in my life, so that I could learn and be a better person.

Why I can never wear those sexy clothes like most of the girls do. Why I can only be sweet and pretty but not hot and sexy? Guys will only like hot girls
Ans: In 1Timothy 2:10, "For woman who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do." If you ask me do I really like those sexy outfits, my answer is definetly a 'no'. I was just wanted to be like others xD

Why there is still sorrow and sadness in life since Jesus has already died for me and rose again?
Ans: God's intention for life is always good, (Jeremiah 29:11) God's plan and intention for us are always good, He wans to prosper us and give us hope and bright future. Life can be very difficult and messy, but we need not to worry, because God is always there for us and we are standing on the solid rock. Even when the storm comes, all we need to do is just continue to hold on to His promise for our life, believe that hope is just right in front of us :) 

Why I met him, and got myself so much of pain and hurts, why I came to TARC?
Ans: If I never met him, I will never know that Jesus is not just a Savior in life, but a comforter as well. If I never came to TARC, I think I would never know that how huge and awesome God's love is. I dare to say that, TARC is the place where I strengthen my faith in Him, TARC is the place where I learnt how to rely on His grace, and it is the place where I finally found my way back to my first love, my etarnal home :)

Now when I look back to everything happened in my life, I really want to just thank Him and praise Him for His loving-kindness and mercy. Same with that day, if I never went to the playground with Esther, I think I wouldn't know that she is actually has her own story, she has her pain in her life as well. I cannot just labeled her to the "happy go lucky" category. In fact, I shouldn't label or categorize people according to my own judgement. It is because I don't really know much about them, their background, their personalities, only God, the Creator of everything knows the best. After the "playground event", I finally understand the true meaning of "don't judge a book by its cover".

I thank God for Esther, she actually came and prayed for me after she found out that I started to feel depress. I didn't know that she can be so sensebility. Forgive me, because I used to think that those "happy go lucky" people will not be sensitive to other's feeling. Apparently I was very wrong. 

I don't know how long this desert time will be, I also have no idea of how long Im gonna take to fully recover from depression, but one thing Im very sure is, the Lord is gonna walk through this time with me. This is His promise in Psalm 23:4, I know that He is close beside me, even though I cannot really feel Him now; I know that He will pretect and comfort me with His rod and staff, it doesn't mean that I will no longer feel lonely or afraid. But I will let my faith in God oevertake the fear.

Now I realized that being a Christian doesn't mean that everything in my life will go smooth and no difficulty at all, because nothing is perfect except God Himself is perfect. Being a Christian is about how are you gonna overcome all those difficulties in life, when storm comes, will you be still and know that God is in control of everything and continue to sing psalms and hymn to praise Him? 

There is time when life will give you mashmallow or chocolate candy that you like, but there is also time that life will throw you lemon. I know lemon is very sour and it may caused pain, but just believe that God is gonna turn all those lemon into a refreshing lemonade, He might add some honey in it, we wouldn't know :)

I really wanna thank God for His company in my journey of beating depression. Actually what Ms Ng said in this morning was very true, we always learn from mistake, so don't get discourage when you did a mistake, just stand up and shake it off. Jesus is always there to pick you up, yo :D

I used to look down on myself, because jasmine flower is very small and insignificant, and I love daisy more. But I didn't know that though jasmine flower is very small and insignificant but it has a very beautiful scent, a white color is a symbol of purity and virtue. I think that's how God sees me, He sees me as a beautiful young lady, not only the outside but the inside as well, He sees me pure and clean no matter how many mistake I made, because He washed me with the blood of His Son, my blessed Saviour, Jesus :) 

I used to think that I need to do a lot of things to have testimony and to glorify God, but actually, my life is already a living testimony that testify the love of God. I don't need to do anything to have a testimony, because me myself is already a testimony of God. When people see me, they are gonna see the living God who are living in me, and I know that one day, my life story is gonna reflect the love of God for all men. I wouldn't know how God wanna use me for His kingdom. All I need to do is just be myself, all my friends or even my future life partner will love me not because of how I dress, how I act, but because of who I am and the good things I do, just like what God has promised in 1Timothy 2:10!

Alright, I really need to off my laptop and go to college now. Im ushering in CF later, looking forward to what God is gonna speak to us through bro Solomon!

Be blessed :)       

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Her life, her story :)

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